I have purchased some special ‘cat grass’ with the hope that you might see your way to eating that in preference to the house plants, the majority of whose apparel is suffering immensely at your casual vandalism. Cat grass is apparently proven to aid the digestion and calm the stomach and I am hopeful this may also incite a reduction in the occasional (and very disgusting) vomit surprises.
I have supplied an illustration to help you distinguish the grass from the other plants, please feel free to retain and refer.
All the best,
Love from Crispin