On the subject of jumping on the bed

Dear Janit,

Please refrain from jumping on the bed under the folowing conditions:

  1. if I am reading (or have just read) a ghost story
  2. if I am clearly in the middle of a dream
  3. if I am watching a scary film on the television

It is, by no means, amusing and I must add, that to rejoice so in the fear or alarm of another does nothing to conceal this recent burgeoning of the dark underbelly of your psyche. Also, it means that I will not sleep so well and as a consequence will most likely get up late; resulting in you waiting longer for your breakfast. In the long run you will do yourself no favours, no favours at all.

love from