Dear Janit
You are a Cat. Your enemy is The Mouse (I have enclosed a picture for your reference). To my knowledge there are currently two mice behind the cooker. I would be ever so grateful if you could see your way to killing them before they have a chance to procreate.
Love from
Crispin
Dear Janit,
I think it is a dreadful shame that you run away and hide when I return home drunk as all hell with half the pub in tow. I can assure you that they are all upright and sterling fellows, gentlemen who would no doubt be charmed with your presence given the chance. You might learn a thing or two from our eloquent discourse and witty banter that, if a little loud, is always of a calibre more commonly heard in the lecture halls of Oxbridge ~ or on Radio 4.
I look forward to introducing you at the next occurrence of this impromptu soirée.
love from
Crispin
