On the subject of moving house

Dear Janit,

Soon we shall be moving house. Now, before you come at me with all the fury of a tempest I wish to state my case:

I am fully aware that I gave you my word as a gentleman that you would never again be forced to go through that dreadful business. However (and let me tell you this is not easy for me to write), my desire to maintain a relationship based on trust and truth was usurped by a selfish need to counter, or at least delay, the terrible and inevitable tantrums that would surely ensue if you had any suspicion to the contrary.

Now, that said, I would like to make it clear that I will not be tolerating ANY nonsense during this stressful time. Lets try and keep a lid on sulking and general complaining – and in particular if we could keep ‘marching around the house shouting to illustrate disappointment’ to an absolute bare minimum that would be a great help and relief.

Thanking you in vain anticipation of your cooperation, Crispin

Janit, a black and white cat marching about and shouting