On the subject of sloth
Dear Janit
Your cousin, The Lion, commands the entire savannah as his domain, whilst you seem content with the lounge, or to be more specific, the sofa. This is insufficient space for you to fulfill your potential as a cat.
Take a lead from your cousin and and venture further afield. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that the door and the windows open directly onto the outside world.
Love from Crispin
P.S. I am sure you would have fun once you were out there.
On the subject of behaviour
Dear Janit
I would like to point out that sometimes when you think I am asleep I am not. I can clearly hear you getting up to all sorts of naughtiness such as eating my plants and using my speakers as scratching posts.
I have been compiling a dossier of your actions and we will discuss the ways in which you can recompense at a later date.
Regards
Crispin
P.S. I dread to think what you get up to when I am at work.
On the subject of pest control
Dear Janit
I would like you to re-double your efforts on rendering my bedroom a spider free zone. This morning I saw one with a huge sausage of a body and whiskers almost as big as yours. His presence did not aid the recovery from last nights slight over indulgence of the gin and quite put me off my breakfast.
How you dispose of the body is not my concern but if you must eat them please bear in mind that I would rather not bare witness to the meal.
Your help in this matter is greatly appreciated.
Love and kind regards
Crispin
On the subject of inappropriate romance
Dear Janit
I want you to stop making romancy eyes at that ginger tom from down the road. I have seen him skulking about the street at night up to all sorts of mischief and skullduggery no doubt.
I believe him to be an immeasurable oaf and frankly, he smells.
I do hope this does not come between us.
Love from
Crispin
