Posted on 22 December 2010, 1:55 pm, by crispin, under
letters.
Dear Janit
Christmas day is soon upon us and with that so will be my family and doubtless other house guests. Seeing as this is the season of good will and all, and there appears to be so much of it about, I was hoping that you might see your way to extending some of this surplus towards them.
I don’t mean to imply humbug (or that you are some sort of Scrooge or Grinch) but I fear that your composed demeanour, whilst elegant and reserved could be misinterpreted by some as a general lack of Christmas spirit ~ and we wouldn’t want any of our guests to be mistaken now would we?
Additionally, let me extend to you my immense gratitude that the Christmas tree and decorations remain relatively intact and everyone’s presents, including your own, show no signs of claw damage or overenthusiastic investigation.
With that said let us break out the mulled wine and mince pies and make a toast to peace on earth and goodwill to men (and cats).
Merry Christmas
Lots of love from
Crispin
Posted on 10 December 2010, 10:30 am, by crispin, under
letters.
Dear Janit,
I really am so pleased with your progression at the sport of fly killing. I think it’s safe to say we are now both fully convinced that paws and claws (more so than eyes, as previously discussed) are better suited to the task in hand. However, I do still feel that there is slight room for improvement in your technique ~ you see ideally what we are looking for here is a clean quick kill, one in common with/demonstrative of a benevolent and merciful assassin, the likes of which I am sure we can both agree you aspire to be. I would like to remind you that there is no place for torture in our house, we are civilised decent people and I really would like for you to try, at least, to bear that in mind.
In other words, what I am pushing for, is for you to refrain from just biting their wings off and leaving them to spin about the floor like fitting raisins until I come in, the ‘clean up man’, to chase them about with a tissue.
Warmest regards,
Crispin
P.S. Please do not allow my criticism to detract from my praise.
